So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
