Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's the barista slut.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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