I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
