Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
