i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
