i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
