Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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