Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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