Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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