So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the condom got lost in my hair
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
