I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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