I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
