all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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