i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
