You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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