Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
