you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
