i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
