i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
