ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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