How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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