why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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