went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
