You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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