I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
