I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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