I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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