White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
