He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize