weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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