Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
