I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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