is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize