my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
