I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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