I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
