he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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