highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The Olympian is in my bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
