i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
