3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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