Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
