Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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