I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
