Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
