The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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