the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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