Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize