...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
