When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
