Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize