You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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