nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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