He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
