I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
