Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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