Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
