Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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