??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
