i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
