Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Randomize
