"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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