how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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