Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
