im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
