I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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